


In the Quiet

by StoneyT456



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Hugs, are we going to glance over his sobriety, hamish needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneyT456/pseuds/StoneyT456
Summary: Hamish finds himself in his apartment late at night staring at a bottle and feels as though he hasn't been this alone since Cassie died. And then Randall shows up.(Randall and Hamish have a conversation about Hamish's sobriety because honestly that was glanced over and I am not okay with that.)
Relationships: Hamish Duke & Everyone, Hamish Duke & Randall Carpio
Comments: 8
Kudos: 134





	In the Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> TW for discussions of recovering from being an alcoholic. 
> 
> (Please note, yes, I know timeline-wise there wasn't probably time for this convo to happen but use your imagination. But it takes place between Randall and Jack trying to poison Hamish and Hamish and the gang getting Lilith back.)

It was times like these when Hamish wishes he still drunk. Wishes he never stopped in the first place. He tries to make himself content with his fourth cup of coffee in his apartment but it doesn't work. It hasn't worked. He glanced at the clock and read the time _4:00 am_.

He thinks back to before. 

Before, when they were all together and things were simple, before Jack and before even before Randall and Lilith. He'd been in his apartment more in the past six months than he had been the entire eight years he's own it. Back then, he spent all of his time in the house. Well, he spent all his time wherever Cassie went. 

The thought of her sends another spike of pain through him.

He was a pre-law student, she was a philosopher, it was the atom bomb combination of polar opposite majors yet surprisingly similar ethics and morals that first attracted him to her. Hamish doesn’t remember how it started, but he remembered the argument in the middle of the bar, the two of them screaming at each other over some law, or policy or something. He remembers looking at her and thinking that not only was she the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire life, but even though she was arguing  _ against  _ him, she was also the most intelligent person he'd ever met in his entire life. 

So after their argument, he found out what dorm she was in through a mutual friend and bought her flowers to apologize. She instantly threw them back in his face, complaining that the entirety of man think that flowers will let them get away with anything and he knew as the door slammed in his face that he had fallen hopelessly in love with her. 

He became her shadow after that, following her around and practically begging her to give him one more chance. She eventually grew tired of him and agreed and he took her to a fancy Italian restaurant. Unfortunately for him and his chances with her he accidentally ate something with shellfish and had a massive allergic reaction. After about fifteen minutes of panic, she drove him to the hospital. They kept him overnight and she stayed with him. He went home and she stayed with him. 

Eventually, he admitted he liked her and she admitted that she liked him and that was that. 

Three months later she came to him naked and bloody after having killed a man and she told him that she was a werewolf. If Hamish were to ever tell anyone else this story, they might think that he was crazy for believing her right away. He didn't even have to see her change. To anyone else this might seem crazy, to him, he was just in love. 

After some talking, she invited him to join The Knights of Saint Christopher, a group of werewolves dedicated to protecting magic. He was so head over heels in love with her that he said yes. 

He stayed with her for four years. Him and Cassie and Dylan and Maria. The Knights of Saint Christopher. The four of them did good. They protected the sanctity of magic and more importantly, they protected each other. Hamish and Cassie moved into a room in the house together and eventually, Hamish even bought a ring.

And then one night he lost his entire life. His entire pack but him, completely and totally wiped out. Hamish was no stranger to losing people. He had lost his grandfather and he had lost his little brother. But that loss was nothing compared to losing Cassie, nothing compared to losing his pack. In fact, if there was ever one good thing to come out of losing Cassie (which, God forbid he ever voice this out loud) was that the pain of losing Dylan and Maria was dimmed in the shadow of her loss. 

Hamish stayed at the house because he couldn’t imagine moving away from them. So he stayed. He stayed alone with nothing but his alcohol, his new philosophy major, and his job as a teacher’s assistant. His parents thought he was depressed, which in retrospect was probably accurate, so they bought the building his apartment was in because that’s what they thought would make things better. His sister came by, realized he was now a barely functioning alcoholic, and left. 

And he stayed alone until a freshman with curly hair came snooping around the house on a dare when Hamish wasn’t there and took Dylan’s place by finding his hide. Hamish kept him at a distance, the memories of losing Dylan come back with a vengeance. He treated him with hostility, not trusting himself to grow closer to another knight, another potential loss. But then, as is the case with everyone that Randall has ever met, Hamish came to love him just as he once loved his little brother.

Then Lilith came and if he thought that accepting Randall was hard, Lilith was a million times worse. A part of him felt as though he was replacing Cassie, because essentially he was. Lilith took Cassie’s hide and it took him months to warm up to her. They still fought, still argued, but it was different. They respected each other. And soon, Lilith became the little sister he never had. 

He went from a barely functioning alcoholic to an alcohol aficionado and his once cheery, optimistic, and hopelessly romantic exterior was replaced by a cold, cynical, and careful interior. Where once he took the knights seriously, now he couldn’t stand to. If he took them seriously, he might find a serious threat, and Hamish would rather die than put his new pack at risk. 

And that’s how he lived for three years. And then Jack came and everything went to shit. 

Not to say he didn’t like Jack. Eventually Jack became a part of their small, dysfunctional family. But that didn’t change the fact that ever since Jack got here Hamish's ‘don’t take things seriously’ plan went to shit too. 

Since Jack got here he’s been stabbed, Randall and Lilith have been kidnapped, Jack has died, Hamish forgot his current and past family (but somehow he never forgot Cassie, instead his fake memories made her death non-magical, a car accident), and oh yeah, Lilith is trapped in the demon realm. 

And the cherry on top of the dumpster fire that his life has become? Him, Randall, and Jack are fighting. Not only fighting, but they tried to drug him because they didn’t think that he would help them. Their bond had disintegrated in front of his eyes. He feels the hurt from that moment in the booth, that moment when Randall admitted what they were planning. He's thankful for the immediate interruption so he didn't have time to ponder what that meant. 

They'd been going non-stop since then. He's been working his angle with Vera and working to get Lilith, but then suddenly he had to wait. He found himself walking back to his apartment in the dark hours of the morning, once again alone. He stared at the coffee and at the bottle of Jack to the left, taunting him. When he had gone sober months ago, he had gotten rid of all his alcohol except for a few emergency stashes. 

Three months sober. He thought that he would have someone to celebrate with him, or at least someone to help him. But Randall and Jack don’t care. He and Vera aren’t remotely close enough for him to confide something like this to her. His parents are out of the country. Going to a group is out of the question because he could never explain the world he lives in, the stress he has to deal with. 

The only person he did tell was his sister. Cordelia flew down, helped him clean out his apartment, and told him she was proud of him. They talked over coffee and Hamish told her the “muggle” friendly version of events. Cordelia patted him on the shoulder and told him that she would be there for him. But eventually, she had to leave and Hamish found himself alone again. 

He didn’t realize that things between him, Randall and Jack had gone this bad. He thought that they understood that everything that he was doing was to get Lilith back. He thought that they knew him better than that. 

But apparently he was wrong. 

He took another sip of his coffee as his fingers played with the cap on the bottle. It would be so easy. Nobody but Cordelia knew, but even then she wouldn’t be here to see the consequences. 

Hamish sighs as he pulls out his wallet and digs at the photo behind his driver's license and student ID. He only has two photos in his possession and they both are there. A polaroid of him, Cassie, Maria, and Dylan and a printed out and heavily creased photo of his new family, taken at one of their early and wild parties. He folds it out and places it next to the polaroid looking at the similarities in the two of them. 

He stared at Cassie's smile as she kisses him on the cheek, his arm around Dylan who is smiling at the camera. Maria is grinning at him and Cassie while her arms are wrapped around Dylan. He looks over at the other photo. He and Randall are plastered, the two of them with dorky sunglasses on their faces. Lilith is flipping off the camera next to Randall and Jack is on her other side, looking at something above the photographer. They're both good photos. He stiffens and lets out another sigh.

He doesn’t need his werewolf hearing to know that somebody else has entered his apartment. 

“So you’re sober now, huh?” Randall asks as he pulls up the stool next to Hamish. He points back towards the door. “You uh, you left it unlocked.” 

Hamish sips his coffee. “Doesn’t mean I wanted company.” 

Randall ignores him. Instead, he moves the polaroid closer to himself. “Is this,” he takes a deep breath, “them?” 

Randall knew the most about Hamish’s old pack. He, Lilith, and Jack all knew the Cassie story, but little else. Out of all of them, Randall knew the most, mostly because he was the first one to get close to Hamish after it happened, to help him begin the healing process. It occurred to Hamish that this is probably the fifth time Randall had seen him sober since they met. 

“Yep.” Hamish says pointedly. Randall picks up the photo to get a closer look. 

Randall admires it. “She was beautiful.” 

Hamish nods. “Yeah, she really was.” He turns to Randall and sees him closely admiring the photo. He tries to read his expression. He looks tired, almost as tired as Hamish feels. “So,” Hamish asks, “did you come here to look at old photos?” 

“I came here to talk to you.” He counters, setting the photo down and turning in his chair completely to face Hamish. He gestures to the coffee cup. “You didn’t tell us about this.” 

“I didn’t know that I had to.” 

Randall nods, “You didn’t but I would have liked to know. Jack and I both would have liked to have known.” 

“Why?” 

Randall scoffs. “Because we’re your friends, Hamish. We’re your family, remember?” 

Hamish turns to him. “Are you?” 

“Dude, what the hell?” 

Hamish shrugs. “I didn't know you and Jack were in the habit of drugging your family.” 

“We thought-” 

“You thought you had to drug me for me to want to help you. It’s pretty clear what you thought.” 

Hamish knows he’s pushing him away but something in him is tired of keeping this all inside. Randall looks guilty. “Jack and I just-” 

Hamish stands up. “You thought that since I liked Vera that I wouldn’t care about Lilith. That I wouldn’t care about the two of you. You thought that the exact moment I found someone I cared about besides the pack that I would forget you guys.” 

“No,” Randall said shaking his head, “come on Hamish, you know it’s not like that.” 

“It’s not?” 

“No,” Randall says adamantly. “We just…” he looks like he’s searching for the right words. “We didn’t want to put you in that position.” 

“You didn’t trust me enough to put me in that position.” 

Something inside Randall snaps. He stands up to meet Hamish face to face. “You know what, you’re right. Ever since you started dating the almighty Grand Magus you’ve practically ignored everything that Jack and I have done to get Lilith back!” He shouts. 

“You think I forgot about Lilith?” Hamish asks quietly. “You think I would let her stay in the demon realm forever? Do you think that I would let her die?” He flops back into his seat. "Do you really think I had it in me to let another person I love die?" 

Randall seems to make the connection about two seconds too late. Hamish laughs. “I’ve already lost one pack I don’t plan on losing another.” He snarls. 

He made his way back to the counter and grabbed the bottle. He made his way to the bedroom, not sure why he wasn’t just telling Randall to get out of his apartment… of his building. 

Randall follows him back. “Don’t!” He shouts. 

“Don’t what?” 

Randall moves closer to him with his arms out. “You’ve been sober three months, right? Maybe you should put the bottle down, Hamish.” 

“Why?” Randall looks like he wants to interrupt but Hamish keeps talking. “I lost the love of my life and my two best friends. I finally, FINALLY get back some sense of happiness and I get it ripped away from me too. This time instead of everyone dying I let Lilith get taken to the demon realm and I lose you and Jack while I try to get her back.”

Hamish is yelling at this point, the bottle swinging around the room as he moves his arms. “And then I get kidnapped. I think ‘hm’, maybe none of this would happen if I was sober enough to see straight for more than five minutes. But just then, I find out my girlfriend is a homicidal maniac and my family thinks they have to drug me with alcohol and truth serum to get me to do something to help them.”  He finally pauses and takes a deep breath. Randall is looking at him in shock. “I used to lead the knights, Randall. Now, look at me. I'm pathetic.” He spits the words out as he unscrews the cap. “So tell me,” he holds the bottle out, “why not?” 

Hamish expects Randall to be mad. To yell right back at him. To leave. Instead, Randall looks shocked, his eyes tearing up. “I-” his speech catches, “I had no idea. Hamish I,” he runs his hands through his hair, “Jesus Christ you should have talked to one of us.” He puts his hands on Hamish’s shoulders and Hamish doesn’t meet his eyes, instead, he keeps looking down at the bottle. 

“First of all, you didn’t lose me and Jack, we’re still here. We just… we fell apart for a second there. But that’s okay because families fight, yeah? But listen, you shouldn't have kept this from us. You should have told us. We would have been there for you. Because this, you being sober? That’s a big deal, man.” Randall offers him a small smile. 

Hamish offers a small chuckle. “It was hard as hell that’s what it is.” 

Randall keeps on hand on Hamish’s shoulder and with the other grabs the bottle away from him. He places the bottle on the table behind him and pulls Hamish into a hug. “We’re gonna get through this together, okay? I’m right here. No more Mr. Lonewolf." 

To Randall’s shock, he hears Hamish sniffle as he breaks apart from the hug. Hamish’s eyes are red as they pull away. He wipes at his nose. “Thank you, Randall.” 

Hamish rubs his hand over his vest to straighten it out and Randall can’t help but laugh. “So tell me, what was it like?” Randall asks. “Did you go cold turkey? Did you start picturing people as cocktails?" 

Hamish laughs. He knows that Randall knows that it was harder than that, that going sober like he did isn’t normally something people joke about, but he also knows that Randall knows that that’s how they deal with things around here, they joke. 

Randall ends up staying at Hamish’s. The next day Hamish says nothing when he notices that the bottle that was once on the table is not mysteriously gone, as are all his other apparently not well-hidden emergency stashes. He and Randall say nothing. 

But as they leave together the next day, Hamish has hope that everything might be okay after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so they totally did not address this as much as I wanted them too. I'm thinking about writing more for this fandom so if you like please let me know. Thanks :)


End file.
